it feels terrible without granny around...knowing that she's not around anymore make things feel weird...*i miss u so much granny...i truly truly missed u dearly...the moment when eldest sis told me that granny was being placed into the coffin....no one'll ever understand my feeling...it was awful...
i couldn't slept last nite n thus, i had my own lil prayer for granny over here...i do hope that it helps...therefore, i slept at about 4 something...i was lying on my comfy bed n yet i still couldn't sleep...stared at the blank ceilling for the whole night...guess i fell asleep at about 5 something to 6...but woke up rather early...yet i decided not to go for class as my head feels like it's gonna crack n my pair of eyes swell due to all the crying earlier...
i rested for quite some time on the bed due to the mental exhaustion but decided to get hold of myself n think positively...granny needs more prayers from those that loved her dearly...thus, i started praying for her again...n this time, it was quite a long prayer...up to nearly an hour i sat there with my legs crossed praying for granny...n when i finally stopped praying, i can't really feel my legs...they were both numb...after a while, my mum called up n had a nice talk with her...it seems no one managed to sleep last nite...i guess everyone feels as sad as i do...perhaps it hits my mum more than anyone else as she is the one that loves my granny more than anything...i understand how my mum feels even though i was told that it is the best for granny to leave us behind...but i think that she did felt happy for a slight moment when i informed her that i'll be back to msia during winter break by around 5th of jan till 7th of feb...
sigh...whenever i closes my eye, i cud pic my granny smiling at me...n whenever i stare at the ceilling or wall i cud c grandma looking straight back at me...n when all these happened, the tears will slowly roll down my cheek again...it is rather impossible to control it...many frens of mine told me to just not think about it...but so far, i just can't help it...nvr wud i expect myself to behave in such a manner one day but it seems it is really difficult to lose someone u love...really really difficult...*to all those frens of mine...i'm really sorry if it is difficult for u all to c me behave in such different manner...but pls give me some time to recover as this is the first time such thing happened in my life...n she's my only grandma left..so it is really difficult for me to get by this matter easily...i lost my paternal grandmother when i was aged 5...at that time, i was still a small lil kid who noes nth...once again, i m sorry...u guys can just ignore me till i m back to my usual self again...*
n there's chem control tmr...n i've yet to study any bit of it...i guess that i m gonna fail tmr...sigh...nth enters my mind right now...but i m gonna force myself to study as i believe that my granny wudn't wanna c me fail any of my papers...she will want me to do my family proud n be the best in the family...HWAITING WTKL!!!
*i m still missing u dearly granny...pls let me c u for the very last time...:'(
8 years ago
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