dreamt of granny...

slept quite late today basically...slept after 7a.m....n i'd booked my airticket back to msia during winter today....flying back on the 5th of jan from moscow n will reach klia on the 6th of jan at 2.10p.m...n i'll be back to moscow on the 7th of feb at 2.10a.m, reaching moscow on the same day...


feel kinda excited that i can get back to msia soon...less than a month's time n i can be with my family all the time d..:) made tong yun today morning but it wasn't really succussfull this time around due to the quality of the tong yun flour...shud've used the one i bought from msia...


today is the 7th day granny passed away...guess wat???i dreamt of her today after such a long time longing to c her for the very last time...but she was silent thru out...it seems like she cud not tok to me...she can only stare at me but that had made me very happy already...so far, i m the only one in the whole family that had dreamt of granny...no one else did...i felt so lucky...i promised everyone that i'll mourn granny for an entire month...therefore, i'll be wearing white top for an entire month...


*love u so much granny...thanks for everything n i was truly glad to be able to see u in my dreams...:)

passed....

got back our latin marks ytd...heard that i obtained 5...cool...but haven't received it by myself yet...oh yes...even if it's a 5 i wudn't be happy...not at all...i'm in the state where i can't even cry anymore...is this actually a good thing or not???do tell me pls...sigh...

n it's the final day of granny's funeral wake today...she was to be cremated after 11a.m msian time...this means i can nvr c her in person anymore...another sad day for me but i'm sure i will nvr be able to forget all these forever...thankfully it's friday d...hopefuly i m able to get a good rest through out the whole weekend...


*may u rest in peace my lovely granny...i'll nvr forget u for my entire life...

bored.....

basically, nth much happened today...just got up as usual n went for classes...went for russian only today...patom was indeed very nice to me after knowing the sad tragic death of my granny...well, had sushi n miso soup today...but it was fully vegetarian one as i m on vege mode from monday till........ermm...........as long as i can if it's possible as i wish to mourn for my granny for as long as i can n as a sign of respect due to the absence from her funeral as the only maternal grandson of hers...

russian wasn't really difficult today...the rules that she taught is manageable but the mood to study is still not quite there yet though...but fret not as i m confident it'll be back soon...really soon.....n what can i say bout my frens??as in my groupmates...well, they're indeed a bunch of nice guys...they truly showed that they care when they knew that i'm in such shape especially on monday...

as i noe, there're some people that're patiently waiting for me to update my blog daily...i m sorry for updating my blog at the wee hours of the morning...lets just say that i was being lazy for the day...hahaha...i'm just hoping that it will not be such a boring day tmr...for at least i've p.t after latin class where i can play volleyball with all of my groupmates...

*it's the 3rd day being without granny...lets just all pray that she's watching at us from above with a broad smile on her face...

2nd day without granny....

it feels terrible without granny around...knowing that she's not around anymore make things feel weird...*i miss u so much granny...i truly truly missed u dearly...the moment when eldest sis told me that granny was being placed into the coffin....no one'll ever understand my feeling...it was awful...

i couldn't slept last nite n thus, i had my own lil prayer for granny over here...i do hope that it helps...therefore, i slept at about 4 something...i was lying on my comfy bed n yet i still couldn't sleep...stared at the blank ceilling for the whole night...guess i fell asleep at about 5 something to 6...but woke up rather early...yet i decided not to go for class as my head feels like it's gonna crack n my pair of eyes swell due to all the crying earlier...

i rested for quite some time on the bed due to the mental exhaustion but decided to get hold of myself n think positively...granny needs more prayers from those that loved her dearly...thus, i started praying for her again...n this time, it was quite a long prayer...up to nearly an hour i sat there with my legs crossed praying for granny...n when i finally stopped praying, i can't really feel my legs...they were both numb...after a while, my mum called up n had a nice talk with her...it seems no one managed to sleep last nite...i guess everyone feels as sad as i do...perhaps it hits my mum more than anyone else as she is the one that loves my granny more than anything...i understand how my mum feels even though i was told that it is the best for granny to leave us behind...but i think that she did felt happy for a slight moment when i informed her that i'll be back to msia during winter break by around 5th of jan till 7th of feb...

sigh...whenever i closes my eye, i cud pic my granny smiling at me...n whenever i stare at the ceilling or wall i cud c grandma looking straight back at me...n when all these happened, the tears will slowly roll down my cheek again...it is rather impossible to control it...many frens of mine told me to just not think about it...but so far, i just can't help it...nvr wud i expect myself to behave in such a manner one day but it seems it is really difficult to lose someone u love...really really difficult...*to all those frens of mine...i'm really sorry if it is difficult for u all to c me behave in such different manner...but pls give me some time to recover as this is the first time such thing happened in my life...n she's my only grandma left..so it is really difficult for me to get by this matter easily...i lost my paternal grandmother when i was aged 5...at that time, i was still a small lil kid who noes nth...once again, i m sorry...u guys can just ignore me till i m back to my usual self again...*

n there's chem control tmr...n i've yet to study any bit of it...i guess that i m gonna fail tmr...sigh...nth enters my mind right now...but i m gonna force myself to study as i believe that my granny wudn't wanna c me fail any of my papers...she will want me to do my family proud n be the best in the family...HWAITING WTKL!!!

*i m still missing u dearly granny...pls let me c u for the very last time...:'(

the saddest day of my life...

well, i'm a non-blogger all these while...i dun do blogging n nvr will i thought of blogging up to today...it was the grieve that took hold of me that made me start blogging as i wish to store all those unhappy n sad memories as well as great ones down right here...guess this truely explains the reason to why i start blogging even though i used to dislike it...

things were as normal today...tried to get to class early today as the first lesson of the day is russian language...a lesson where no one can afford to be there late...but things ain't starting of brightly as usual...i was having my morning shower n stuffs...the very first bad thing happened in the morning to me *wish to keep it to myself only though* n it was rather scary...thus, i called up my mum after i got ready to go for class...called her up n talked to her as i was walking down the flight of stairs that seemed to be as long as ever due to the lifts which weren't working again...told mum bout the incident n i was told to get treatment once i m back in msia unless the situation gets worse n nasty...well, that wasn't really a big deal though as i thought, nth much to worry about...

reached russian department at 8.55a.m...5 minutes later, all of my groupmates were here n started to chat n crack jokes as usual till i received a message from my eldest sis saying that MY BELOVED GRANNY HAD JUST PASSED AWAY at 1.50p.m m'sian time today...n that was it...tears started to roll down my cheek like the falls of niagara...was it that serious??it definitely was...i really couldn't take it...was it a joke??was it a lie??the truth is that she's no longer around with us anymore...sad to say i cried n cried n cried as i wasn't even ready for this...it was so sudden..valentina asked me to go back to hostel n call up to my family but i told her i m fine instead...i do not wish to alarm all of my groupmates bout the current situation at that time but i guess that i was rather silly to think that i m able to keep hold of it from their knowledge...

ever since then, i cudn't concentrate in class...guess i cudn't even listen to wat valentina said back then as flashes of memories of my late grandma were there in my lonely sole mind...some of my friends asked me not to attend p.t after russian class but i guess i shudn't just stay at home all by myself as i wud start to think about this again...as a result, i went for p.t n played volleyball with my groupmates...i served as hard as i can...i wish to let all of my sadness off with every of the serve n spike...guess wat??it just didn't work...all i can do was to put up normal face just to show my groupmates that i m already fine...

when i got home, i changed to a white top immediately...y wud i prefer white to black??bcos my granny was a noble person..to me, she's as good n as pure as a pure white clothe wud be...i decided to be a full vegetarian for as long as i can...that's the only thing i m able to do for her right now...n i will be white top everyday for as long as a month if it's possible...she was my only grandma left...n she was 91 yrs old already...wat else can i say???she's lived a good long life with many children, grandchildren n even great-grandchildren...she used to give good advices to all of us...i really do miss her...i missed having lunch n dinner tgt with my family n her...besides changing to a white top, i prayed for her for more than half an hour...later on, i went to bed n tried to take a nap as i felt really exhausted mentally...i think everyone cud tell that i can nvr sleep in this situation...i cud only think of my late grandma n the things that were related to her...n as i think of her, the warm tears of mine wud just roll down n thus, causing my pillow to be wet all over..others might think that i m such a weak guy...crying for such a long period of time but all i can say is that even the mightiest man on Earth can nvr hide from his feelings n the feeling itself is even stronger than himself...

n now,both my eyes r reddish n swollen...it's only 9.15p.m over here...how m i able to withstand the grieve that took hold of me fully??i've histo class the following day...i do not think that i can study for the rest of the day...perhaps the rest of the week too...n the best part is that i've chem control n bio colloq this week...i'm so doomed right now...but what i care most right now is the lost of my beloved granny...i guess that my whole family is at the funeral parlour right now...the person who is worst affected by the death of my grandma wud be my mother i guess..how can i ever console her??i guess there's no way at all...

well, there's nth more that i can say right now...i'll keep in touch with my family back in m'sia for the rest of the night n i promise my dearly beloved grandmother that i will stay healthy always n be a good n filial son till the end of my life...u'll always be around in my heart n i'll love u always!!!

*this pics will stay in my phone, comp n mind for the rest of my life...*

*me n grandma before i left for russia during pre-med..*